Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
