idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
