drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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