in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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