In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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