My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize