she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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