you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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