I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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