I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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