So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
