I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
