Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
