If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
