# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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