I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
