Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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