It's like God shit irony all over that family
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
