like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
