Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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