Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Are we still banned from the library?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
