please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
