Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
