his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
