my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize