Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
