He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
