we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
