It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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