yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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