You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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