she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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