The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
