i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
