We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
