Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
