he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
