Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
