That's when you crack a 10am beer
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
