john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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