You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
