I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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