Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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