May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
