I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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