Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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