After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
