Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
