at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
