So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
