You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
