so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
false alarm. still invincible.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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