Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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