It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
