Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize