apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
