I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
