Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
