There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
