Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
