Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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