sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize