I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You pole danced in your parka.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
