she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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