two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize