How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize