I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
