I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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