Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Are we still banned from the library?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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